Stan Hansen (c) vs Mitsuharu Misawa
Triple Crown Heavyweight Championship
05/26/1995
Nakajima Sports Center, Sapporo, Japan
(reviewed 05/09/2024) A sad, ignoble end to the competitive part of this feud. I say “competitive” but it never seemed like Stan Hansen had much of a chance against this guy to begin with, even when he was always winning their matches. Here his early aggression gives way to Mitsuharu Misawa targeting his arm like it’s 1991 all over again, which might be a compelling callback in the old gunslinger’s last title defense if they put any effort into it. The ace’s elbows and kicks to the arm are enjoyable enough but five years into being a main eventer he has never figured out how to apply a submission hold worth any amount of your attention. People complain about Randy Orton’s headlocks—and rightly so, sometimes—but I have never seen an Orton match of note that was as boring as the average Misawa title bout. The only ones that come close are some of the snoozers against Triple H, who (save perhaps for Johnny Ace) is a whole hell of a lot worse than any of Misawa’s title match opponents. Dude can’t help but drag down some of the best wrestlers ever, people who have dozens and dozens of exciting matches with everyone else other than him.
Hansen’s initial comeback doesn’t last long, which is seemingly due to Misawa trying to make up for a flubbed slingshot spot. Either way after a brief respite it’s right back to a low energy control segment replete with all the rest holds facelocks you could ask for. In fairness I’d lay some of this at Hansen’s feet as well; his sympathetic streak means he’s a lot more passive on the wrong end of these holds than he otherwise has been in the past, which extends to him pathetically stumbling around ringside when Misawa sends him shoulder-first into the ring post. Likewise when he takes control again he merely applies a series of Boston Crabs which Misawa immediately muscles his way out of like he’s not half the man’s size.
On some level I feel bad for AJPW fans, especially these people up in Hokkaido who hardly ever get to see this stuff live. This is what they like? This is what they think great wrestling is, this zero urgency instance of a bad matchup they’re seeing for literally the eleventh time this decade that actively undermines its own stakes at every opportunity? I don’t know how you could ever care when Misawa gets backdropped on the floor, shoved over the guard rail, or powerbombed back in the ring. The first half of this match—let alone nearly every other match these two have had at this point—tells me that it won’t matter, that his same old comeback will unfold in the same unsatisfying way for the same stupid reason: because Misawa has nothing to offer if he doesn’t win. The last nine months since his loss to Steve Williams have ultimately meant nothing, as he hasn’t matured into a newly sympathetic wrestler. Any time he’s come close it’s been by accident, exploited by his betters. When, around this time, a fan writes in to Weekly Pro Wrestling asking why he doesn’t sell his real-life injuries more, Misawa replies that “there’s no point in being depressed” when only he can understand his own pain.
No point in expressing himself to others, least of all for their own entertainment. Does that sound like a great wrestler to you, someone you’re excited by or empathetic toward? Or is that the statement of a solipsistic asshole who deserves only your pity?
Another botched crucifix steals Misawa his second Triple Crown title reign, Hansen’s shoulder clearly six inches off the mat when referee Kyohei Wada starts his count. Clearly they don’t care and neither should you.
Brock Hates Wrestling 