Guerrillas of Destiny (Tama Tonga & Tanga Roa) (c) vs GBH (Togi Makabe & Tomoaki Honma) vs CHAOS (Tomohiro Ishii & Toru Yano)
IWGP Tag Team Championship
Tokyo Dome, Tokyo, Japan
(reviewed 01/04/2017) This is a very strange match, but has potential to be a lot of fun if they play their cards right. The champs sneak up on and jump Yano on the floor before the bell, and when they toss him in the ring, GBH likewise join in on the beatdown, which earns some tentative boos from the crowd. GOD and GBH then go after each other, which mostly consists of Roa screaming “FUCK YOU” at various people. Yano tags in and immediately removes the turnbuckle pad in one corner, whipping Honma into it before tagging out to Ishii. As soon as Honma mounts the tiniest bit of offense on Yano, the trickster tags out to Tonga, who happily beats down the kokeshi underdog. Honma mounts a comeback on both Tonga and Yano before tagging out to Makabe, who steamrolls over everyone. Everything with Makabe here is enjoyable, if unimpressive, but I’ll take it. Honma lays in a few chops on Roa, who responds by screaming “FUCK THAT SHIT, I HATE YOU MOTHERFUCKER, SHIT”, which is just… ugh. Thankfully he shuts up long enough to eat some offense from both Honma and Ishii. The brothers take out the CHAOS lads before hitting a powerbomb/sort-of-neckbreaker combo on Honma, with Roa being sure to yell “EAT SHIT, MOTHERFUCKER” while doing so. When Honma kicks out, he implores with the referee, inquiring “WHAT THE FUCK?” Like, cool it, dude, we know you’re a baddie. Makabe saves his partner with some muscle and a bit of cursing himself, and Honma hits a sort of sliding kokeshi on Roa for a nearfall. They follow it up with a powerbomb/top rope kokeshi combo for a bigger nearfall that Ishii breaks up. Everyone comes in for some sloppy spots, which includes a very odd tandem Cross Rhodes from the champs on Makabe. They continue their assault on Honma, with Yano quietly tagging himself on the underdog, before they turn their attention on Ishii and Yano is able to low blow them both, rolling up Roa for the win. Man, this was pretty nothing. Aside from some quality Makabe offense, most of the action in this is directionless, apathetic, and, more often than not, sloppy. Roa’s endless screaming washes over everything, and to top it all off, the knowledge that there will be more Yano/Ishii tag matches leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. Little to love here.